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	<title>The North Coast News &#187; satire</title>
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		<title>Locals Only: Generic shame speech</title>
		<link>http://www.northcoastnews.com/2010/02/26/locals-only-generic-shame-speech/</link>
		<comments>http://www.northcoastnews.com/2010/02/26/locals-only-generic-shame-speech/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Fri, 26 Feb 2010 17:07:36 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>Tom Scanlon</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[North Coast News]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[locals only]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[satire]]></category>

		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://www.northcoastnews.com/?p=6923</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[The sports star apology once was a deeply humiliating event, for all involved. How the mighty has fallen!
Now, we’ve become accustomed to the press conference to boo-hoo over wild promiscuity, abuse of steroids and recreational drugs, or just random crime sprees.
Most recently, it was golf mega-star Tiger Woods (who, apparently, became confused and believed he [...]]]></description>
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		<slash:comments>0</slash:comments>
		</item>
		<item>
		<title>Locals Only: Let&#8217;s &#8220;work&#8221; the tourists</title>
		<link>http://www.northcoastnews.com/2009/11/19/locals-only-lets-work-the-tourists/</link>
		<comments>http://www.northcoastnews.com/2009/11/19/locals-only-lets-work-the-tourists/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Fri, 20 Nov 2009 00:15:34 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>Tom Scanlon</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[North Coast News]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[locals only]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[satire]]></category>

		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://www.northcoastnews.com/?p=5782</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[“We cheat tourists and drunks,” promises a sign at Pat O’Shea’s Mad Hatter, an Irish bar in San Francisco.
Perhaps Ocean Shores should keep this in mind, when trying to solve the city’s woeful budget problems. Not so much that part about drunks, as they tend to have empty wallets; the tourists, that’s the treasure chest [...]]]></description>
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		<slash:comments>11</slash:comments>
		</item>
		<item>
		<title>Locals Only: FOTR</title>
		<link>http://www.northcoastnews.com/2009/08/06/locals-only-fotr/</link>
		<comments>http://www.northcoastnews.com/2009/08/06/locals-only-fotr/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Thu, 06 Aug 2009 22:59:53 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>Tom Scanlon</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[North Coast News]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[locals only]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[satire]]></category>

		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://www.northcoastnews.com/?p=3781</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[And how about a smiley face in the middle of the thing?
 
“Why are people so friendly here?” my visiting brother-in-law recently asked me.
Indeed, aside from City Council meetings, folks around here do tend to be quite friendly. They are so affable that they don’t just embrace visitors and each other; no, these local North Beachers [...]]]></description>
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		<slash:comments>7</slash:comments>
		</item>
		<item>
		<title>Stupid TV tips</title>
		<link>http://www.northcoastnews.com/2009/06/04/stupid-tv-tips/</link>
		<comments>http://www.northcoastnews.com/2009/06/04/stupid-tv-tips/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Thu, 04 Jun 2009 17:07:51 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>Tom Scanlon</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[North Coast News]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[satire]]></category>

		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://www.northcoastnews.com/?p=3045</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[The TV news this morning had some great tips on how to stay cool in hot weather . . . great tips, if you&#8217;re a 2-year-old.
Here are the kind of &#8220;tips&#8221; they give us (maybe I&#8217;m exaggerating a little, but it&#8217;s pretty close):
*If you&#8217;re thirsty, drink something.
*If you&#8217;re going shopping and it&#8217;s hot out, don&#8217;t [...]]]></description>
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		<slash:comments>1</slash:comments>
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		<item>
		<title>Locals Only: More laws, please</title>
		<link>http://www.northcoastnews.com/2009/05/28/locals-only-more-laws-please/</link>
		<comments>http://www.northcoastnews.com/2009/05/28/locals-only-more-laws-please/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Thu, 28 May 2009 22:54:33 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>Tom Scanlon</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[North Coast News]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[locals only]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[satire]]></category>

		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://www.northcoastnews.com/?p=2948</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[Ocean Shores is lowering speed limits, starting June 22. (See next post.)
While they’re at it, here are some other laws and fines that should go on the books:
•Delay of Turn Signal. Technically, you’re following the existing laws, if you throw the turn signal on just before turning. But what are you saying? “Ha ha, fooled [...]]]></description>
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		<slash:comments>0</slash:comments>
		</item>
		<item>
		<title>The Sports Column: Manny, A-Rod, Brett</title>
		<link>http://www.northcoastnews.com/2009/05/13/the-sports-column-manny-a-rod-brett/</link>
		<comments>http://www.northcoastnews.com/2009/05/13/the-sports-column-manny-a-rod-brett/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Wed, 13 May 2009 17:17:32 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>Tom Scanlon</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[North Coast News]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[satire]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[sports]]></category>

		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://www.northcoastnews.com/?p=2738</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[Three recent stories have been a nice distraction (for me, at least) from the Mariners’ losing streak/plummet to reality. 
The stories: A new book says Alex “A-Rod” Rodriguez started using steroids in high school, and, as a major league, tipped pitches to opposing batters (hoping for the same in return); quarterback Brett Favre is considering coming [...]]]></description>
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		<slash:comments>2</slash:comments>
		</item>
		<item>
		<title>Locals Only: Postcard from the Future</title>
		<link>http://www.northcoastnews.com/2009/04/30/locals-only-postcard-from-the-future/</link>
		<comments>http://www.northcoastnews.com/2009/04/30/locals-only-postcard-from-the-future/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Thu, 30 Apr 2009 17:33:42 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>Tom Scanlon</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[North Coast News]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[locals only]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[satire]]></category>

		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://www.northcoastnews.com/?p=2565</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[An acquaintance of mine, who claims to be a time traveler, sent me this “postcard from the future”:

Dec. 31, 2009
My dear comrade,
What a year it has been! What a great time to be a Citizen of the great United Socialist States of America!
Let me reflect on these amazing 12 months, and offer some commentaries.
•In January, [...]]]></description>
		<wfw:commentRss>http://www.northcoastnews.com/2009/04/30/locals-only-postcard-from-the-future/feed/</wfw:commentRss>
		<slash:comments>1</slash:comments>
		</item>
		<item>
		<title>The Sports Column: March Madness</title>
		<link>http://www.northcoastnews.com/2009/03/26/the-sports-column-march-madness/</link>
		<comments>http://www.northcoastnews.com/2009/03/26/the-sports-column-march-madness/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Thu, 26 Mar 2009 19:06:51 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>Tom Scanlon</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[North Coast News]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[satire]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[sports]]></category>

		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://www.northcoastnews.com/?p=2103</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[Your hard-watching Sports Fan is working at full tilt, this month. It’s not just about “March Madness,” which has come to be synonymous with the NCAA men’s basketball tournament. (Little known fact: the term came about when a young woman in Chicago literally went insane, after her tournament-watching boyfriend failed to realize she had cut [...]]]></description>
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		<slash:comments>0</slash:comments>
		</item>
		<item>
		<title>Locals Only: The Obama Tour</title>
		<link>http://www.northcoastnews.com/2009/03/25/locals-only-the-obama-tour/</link>
		<comments>http://www.northcoastnews.com/2009/03/25/locals-only-the-obama-tour/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Thu, 26 Mar 2009 00:15:47 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>Tom Scanlon</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[North Coast News]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[satire]]></category>

		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://www.northcoastnews.com/?p=2085</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[This week&#8217;s &#8220;Locals Only&#8221; column takes a tongue-in-cheek look at our busy leader:
President Obama is coming off a week so dizzying, it left some pundits scratching their heads, and others rolling on the floor with laughter.
His week went something like this (some of this may or may not be entirely factual, as the following relies [...]]]></description>
		<wfw:commentRss>http://www.northcoastnews.com/2009/03/25/locals-only-the-obama-tour/feed/</wfw:commentRss>
		<slash:comments>0</slash:comments>
		</item>
		<item>
		<title>Locals Only: Godzillanet</title>
		<link>http://www.northcoastnews.com/2009/03/18/locals-only-godzillanet/</link>
		<comments>http://www.northcoastnews.com/2009/03/18/locals-only-godzillanet/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Wed, 18 Mar 2009 21:59:28 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>Tom Scanlon</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[North Coast News]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[locals only]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[satire]]></category>

		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://www.northcoastnews.com/?p=1995</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[The weekly newspaper editor explains the magic of the Webbernet, or whatever they call it:
 
Sometime in early 2002, a bottle washed up on the shores of Lake Washington, not far from the Microsoft “campus.” Inside the bottle was a note: “Help! It’s Bill, I’m stuck at a conference in Ocean Shores. I asked one of [...]]]></description>
		<wfw:commentRss>http://www.northcoastnews.com/2009/03/18/locals-only-godzillanet/feed/</wfw:commentRss>
		<slash:comments>5</slash:comments>
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