Stupid TV tips

The TV news this morning had some great tips on how to stay cool in hot weather . . . great tips, if you’re a 2-year-old.

Here are the kind of “tips” they give us (maybe I’m exaggerating a little, but it’s pretty close):

*If you’re thirsty, drink something.

*If you’re going shopping and it’s hot out, don’t leave your dog in the car with the windows rolled up. Or your kids. Or your husband.

*Don’t wear a heavy, woolen sweater. 

*When driving, if you’re feeling hot, you might want to roll down the window a little.

*To help avoid squinting in the bright sun: sunglasses.

*Dress in layers, starting with underwear and socks first, then gradually working up to outer garments. Remember: no woolen sweaters!

*Places where you can “stay cool”: an air-conditioned movie theater; an air-conditioned neighbor’s house; a swimming pool; your friendly neighborhood morgue.

*Remember to avoid strenuous outdoor activities. Just stay inside and watch TV!

**If you’ve tried all these tips and you’re still uncomfortably hot, stick your head in the freezer and count to 1,000.