Locals Only: The Obama Tour

This week’s “Locals Only” column takes a tongue-in-cheek look at our busy leader:

President Obama is coming off a week so dizzying, it left some pundits scratching their heads, and others rolling on the floor with laughter.

His week went something like this (some of this may or may not be entirely factual, as the following relies on half-memories, blogged rumors and other distortions):

-It all started with Obama becoming the first president to go on sports channel ESPN and fill out a “March Madness” bracket. He quipped “I haven’t had this much fun since I quit smoking – again,” as he filled out the bracket. (He nailed 14 of the “Sweet Sixteen” teams, so he knows what he’s doing, here at least.)

-Then, Obama became the first president to go on a national talk show, appearing on “The Tonight Show.” He quickly became the first president to make a gaffe on a national talk show, using the terms “AIG exec bonuses,” “Tim Geithner” and “Special Olympics” in the same sentence. 

-Undaunted, Obama launched the “Fight the Recession Bus Tour,” hitting 30 states in just five days.

-At a rally in Philadelphia, Obama visited a senior center, where he pledged, “If it’s the last thing I do, I’m going to turn this thing around!”

After a round of applause, someone raised a hand. “What ‘thing’ do you mean?” one senior asked.

“Great question!” Obama shot back. Checking his watch, he added: “Gotta run.”

-Becoming the first president to appear on “Dayton Today,” Obama smoothly followed an animal expert, cuddling with a cute cougar cub.

When the cub had an “accident,” Obama turned to the camera, grinned and cracked, “I know just how you feel.”

-At a pancake breakfast in Omaha, the president told a collection of elementary school teachers, “I’ve got three priorities: fix the economy, fix the economy and fix the economy! By the way, I’ve got three words for the blueberry pancakes: fan tas tic!”

-In Billings, Montana, Obama told a group of unemployed mill workers, “Personally, I like John McCain. He’s a good man, and a good American. I just happen to think I have a better plan to fix this thing.”

There was polite applause, followed by shrugs all around.

-Finally, in Salem, Ore., the president shook the hand of a newly sworn-in citizen, looked her in the eye and said, “ I know I’m not the most experienced guy around, but you can trust me. I will not let you down.”

When a reporter asked the new citizen for her reaction, she said, “He knows he already got elected, right?”

-Footnote: Organizers toyed with the idea of bringing the “Fight the Recession” tour to the state of Washington. But, says a presidential public relations man, “When we found the Razor Clam Festival judges were already booked, we decided to cut our losses and just head home.”

tscanlon@northcoastnews.com