For my Pittsburgh people –

– who wouldn’t get the newspaper until next week, thereby missing this brilliant piece of . . . analysis, which exposes the footballers’ disingenuous methods for winning that ultimate NFL prize, the Lombardi Trophy (soon to be renamed “The Primanti Brothers Trophy,” carved out of a hunk of kolbasi):

So the Pittsburgh Steelers are once again playing in the Steel Bowl — or do they still call it the Super Bowl?

The Steelers are being a bit piggish about this, even in a sport that uses pigskin, as they have won five Super Bowls. That’s five more than the franchises of Seattle, Detroit, New Orleans and Mexico City COMBINED. (Granted, Mexico City doesn’t have an NFL team. But what’s the excuse of the other teams?)

Pittsburgh’s proven strategy: establish the running game; keep the score reasonably tight; stay on excellent terms with the referees (“Man, are you losin’ weight? Lookin’ good!”); soak looney-when-sober fans in Iron City , then have them confuse opponents with bizarre heckling (“Hey, No. 32, your shoes are too small! Your shoes are too small, you’re gonna trip!”); and, above all else, remain on the positive side of all questionable calls.

The upstart Arizona Cardinals will be making their first Super Bowl appearance. Normally, Arizona spends the entire month of January working on their cars; the players are so new to the concept of “playoffs,” they keep asking their union officials “Are we going to get paid overtime for all this? Or can we just take some games off next season as ‘comp’ time?”

This is a classic match-up of an explosive offense, against a tenacious defense. For those of you not terribly familiar with the game of football, imagine a rushed shopper (the Arizona offense) going up against a chatty checkout girl who keeps making mistakes, answers the phone and has a wildly inappropriate personal conversation about how she can’t afford child care so she just keeps her kids in the car in the parking lot, and then takes 10 minutes to change the cash register roll (the Pittsburgh defense).

Looks like another tight, action-packed game with a thrilling finish. I’m picking Pittsburgh.

By the way, the officials for the game have just been announced. They are: Franco Harris Jr., referee; Grumpy Joe Greene, linesman; Tony Poluamalu, side judge; and the late Myron Cope, instant replay official.

Terrible Towel image emailed from Bob DeBuhr, “wife was born in Pittsburgh, I have no choice!” (Just be glad she’s not a Cheesehead, Bob.)